Yesterday Gavin was sick. Quinn took Tabbi to church and I stayed home and forced myself to be productive. A clean house, a beautiful lunch and a pile of clean laundry later I was feeling pretty good about myself and my little world. Ready to take on Monday.
By 4 o'clock dinner had been reduced to dirty dishes and crumpled napkins, the freshly mopped floor was smudgy and dirty, Gavin's toys were everywhere, the clean laundry on my beautifully made bed was no longer a happy sight, but an overwhelming, cluttery mess. Gifts that had been such happy blessings when opened that afternoon were now items that needed homes and the mopes regathered, the clouds rolled in and I was sunk.
My darling husband recognized my need to regroup so I could start another day and jumped into washing dishes, hanging up organizers, rebuilding Tabbi's closet so she could get her clothes off the floor and onto hangers and etc and my spirits lifted again.
But I wasn't ready for Monday. My mood was completely reliant on my surroundings. Spending a day moping at home instead of worshiping the Lord with His bride had set me back another notch, but it wasn't anything I couldn't overcome...with Him.
This morning I got up and nothing went as planned. My day wasn't productive, the dog tracked mud all through the house and Gavin threw a massive fit when I tried to read the Psalms to him. Even David was whining through chapter after chapter, trying to coerce God into taking revenge on the people who annoyed him by quoting back God's promises to Him. I managed to accomplish a few things this afternoon, but not nearly what I needed to.
But a day isn't measured by what we do or don't accomplish. It's measured by the moments that we worship, and the moments that we fail to worship.
It's measured by the choices that honor Him, and the choices that don't.
It's measured by the grace we receive, and the grace we reject.
Grace to forgive ourselves when our bodies fail to be what we expect them to be.
Grace to understand that God can give or take without consulting us, and always at the perfect time.
Grace to speak softly and love more in spite of having less.
Grace to reach through pain and grasp a higher plain, rather than shrinking into the shadows to avoid the storm.
Grace to let our dreams be reshaped into something new, something that fits HIS plan instead of our own.
Grace to keep dreaming. To keep hoping.
My failure today is not that I didn't create something fantastic, or that I didn't log enough hours of work, or that my house is a mess, or even that I snapped at my precious toddler. My failure today is a failure to accept grace.
Everlasting. Abounding. Overwhelming. All Consuming. All Conquering.
Grace.
Marvelous grace of our loving Lord,
Grace that exceeds our sin and our guilt.
Grace that exceeds our sin and our guilt.
